Tuesday, June 3, 2014

Ups and Downs

So, this isn't a DIY post. Although, I am almost done the crib skirt. I will wait on posting that. It's not like we have the crib yet anyway (though they told me this month so hopefully soon). This post is a pregnancy post, so feel free to skip this one if you aren't all that interested.

How have I been?

Well, good ... and bad. Let's start with the good.

The good is that the baby seems to be doing well. He's getting much, much bigger. I feel lots of movement nearly all the time. I swear sometimes he is trying to stretch me out from the inside. It's a strange feeling. My weight gain and fundal height are all measuring right on track. I'm 29 weeks or approximately 6.5 months along. In fact, with tomorrow being my 29th birthday, I will be 29 weeks at 29 years old. Which is kind of cool. I am still exercising almost every day. I take that pretty seriously, and my weight gain seems to be all belly. I am still nauseous (I guess that goes in the not-so-good category), but it seems to be not so bad most of the time. Besides going to Williamsburg with my mom, J and I also took a trip with friends from college over Memorial Day weekend. It was a ton of fun to see people and I was really happy we were able to go.

The bad...
There was a definite hormone shift about 2 weeks ago, and some my old friends, anxiety and insomnia, decided to pay me a visit. I guess I should get used to this in the third trimester, but I was not so pleased. I ended up re-reading my insomnia workbook from last summer and improving my sleep hygiene, which helped considerably. As my belly gets bigger, I am more uncomfortable. It's hard to sit for long periods of time (and standing too long hurts my feet). I am also feeling overwhelmed by how much there is left to do before the big arrival, so I am a little stressed. Especially about daycare. We really need to work on that. But, I think the worst of all is that I was diagnosed with Gestational Diabetes this week. I was super frustrated and upset when I found out. I have 2 friends that had it during their pregnancies. I remember one telling me how upset she was when she found out. She wasn't kidding. I was devastated. I cried approximately 4 hours yesterday. My eyes were so puffy this morning that I couldn't even put in contacts. After reading more about it, I realize it's not my fault, but I sure did blame myself quite a bit yesterday. I just don't quite understand why my body has been so difficult with pregnancy. Nausea and GD at the same time was one of my nightmares. And now, I get to live it. It's this mixture of being scared about my and the baby's health as well as being ridiculously pissed off that I can't have cake on my birthday or ice cream this summer. More restrictions on an already restricted diet. It's just unfair. I am thin. I have worked out every day. I eat pretty well (when I wasn't throwing it up). It just sucks. It sucks to see all these other pregnant women I know have perfect pregnancies, while I feel like I am scaling a mountain here. So, I'm jealous. Even though I know I shouldn't be. Even though I know how lucky we are with conceiving easily and our child will likely be healthy. I know everyone goes through their own struggles in life. And pregnancy isn't fair. At all. Women suffer miscarriages, stillbirths, birth defects, hyperemisis, bed rest, infertility, pre-eclampsia, etc. There's no guarantee that pregnancy leads to a healthy baby. And it's simply hard sometimes. I wish I could say something profound here, but I am still coming to terms with all of this. Baby boy, I hope you know how much your mother loves you.

Until next time...

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